Love.

Hello my friends,

I've been "missing in action," so to speak, in the blogging world. Forgive me. As most of you know, I am unbelievably, undeniably in love. The kind of love that makes you feel like you can do anything, including dream of the impossible, achieve it, and then fly home to kiss my love some more. That kind of love.

Needless to say, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life.

Love. Is. Great.

"Tu est incroyable...."

Some times I get so depressed about ife, how sad I am about my break up with Mark that I forget to look at how magical my life is. Last October I received a letter from a missionary named, "Elder Ostler" we have been writing each other back and forth since November. It is and has been magical. He gets home on May 26th.

My Very Own King's Cross Station

"Sometimes I feel like my battered heart has the memory recall of a fish. It's so ready and willing to love again-fully. Yet, the scars are still there from before. My heart longs to leap and not hold back. It gives so freely and yet she has only tasted a few humble drops of love herself. She knows it is real. With every letter it is like a dispatch informing me of the train that is making its long journey to this particular station, my station. With every scrap of communication the train grows closer but it is still so far away. Miles, thousands, and thousands of miles he still has to travel to reach me and then- will he stop or pass by? Will I board this train and hope and pray that it takes me on the best adventure I could possibly dram of? I learn that, in fact, he is not the driver. Oh no. He is the conductor. If the train stops (by the will and power of the Engineer) then this man is the one to call me aboard. Will I go with him? The train actually stopped this time. It didn't pass by slowly with my trying to jump aboard. "I called ahead," he will say. "I told you I was coming Miss. Are you ready?" and I will say, "Yes, my darling, I am ready."

I hope that's what love is like. "

what I love

• cupboards full of clean dishes
• little bird foot prints in the snow
• sitting on a heater vent while drinking hot chocolate
• letters from incredibly handsome men all the way on the other side of the world
• seeing sticky notes in my little brothers room that have goals written down
• kissing
• holding hands secretly
• a new tube of tooth paste
• coloring with crayons
• a clean kitchen
• acting
• dressing up
• warm towels after a bath
• baking lemon cup cakes
• puppy kisses
• sewing
• my kitty Orien
• the smell of a new born baby
• mint tea
• hats
• dancing with a man who knows what he's doing
• feeling close to God
• laughing with Carrie
• talking in "the voice" with Jacque
• weddings
• Seeing how in love my parents are
• when my kitty snores
• chocolate
• steak
• Shakespeare
• new pretty underwear
• shaved legs against my sheets while I fall asleep
• playing pretend
• building forts
• stepping on grass barefoot
• lime Popsicles
• pink roses
• my plant, Michelle
• that I named my plant
• temples
• my family
• eating cookie dough
• love

Echos trapped within

My heart is crying. I feel like I held it out to you with more vigor than it could take. I thought it stronger then it is. You gave it back gently like a baby bird. You cried. I cried. Those tears echo in my heart still. Sometimes it dies down, sometimes the tears wale. I cry. What do I do? I cry. I know, I know. Maybe someday. Maybe.

The Me in my Head

I wish people could know and see that me that's in my head. That me is confident, can sing and dance, speaks french fluently, always speaks crystal clear, and isn't worried if the "cool" people don't like her. Too bad the real me falls so short of all those things.

Fragile, terrified, vulnerable, exposed.

Gosh, why am I so terrified?

Fits like a Glove

Wow. I have a boy friend who will build houses with me on The Sims, drive around the Avenues looking at cool old houses, swim in kiddy pools with me, let me pretend I'm a cat/join in, make home made pizza's, listen/watch me sing "oh my darling" with a snorkel mask and goggles on, read scriptures every night, and spend hours playing with my cat. Not to mention when he kisses me it gives me the feeling like I'm on a roller coaster. Could I adore him more? I think not (yet I do more and more each day). He fits me like a glove. Ah, bliss.

Plus he fixes my car, my computer, and is an incredible cuddler. What a babe. Bah!